I don’t buy into Competition

I do not believe in the competition model.

I believe in my big fat pussy lips and my well-endowed clit.

I do not believe in the competition model.

I believe in creative cooperation and the healing/Whole-ing potential of honest connection.

I do not believe in competition. I don’t buy that story.

It’s too expensive if you think about it. To buy in costs us our humanity and compassion potentially. It costs us our ability to truly see our own uniqueness and the uniqueness of others around us. It costs us Allies, Friends, Lovers, Business partners. It costs us a rich and thriving community. It might even cost us family.

My voice sounds a lot like my sister’s but it’s not exactly the same. My words and ideas are similar to my close friends but they are not exactly the same.

As similar and as different as we all may be, one thing is for sure, we are all necessary. Much can be learned from difference. Much can be learned from seeing, hearing or feeling ourselves in another too.

Maybe the people who trigger me the most in this life are mirroring back to me something that I just can’t, don’t want to, haven’t but really want to-must-get to-accepting within myself?

It’s a challenging and really expansive concept to sit with.

I hate you because you show me the ways in which I do not love myself

Or

I hate you because you’re showing me the ways in which I hate myself

The terrain of this for me is dark, rocky and rough, the path is full of debri, sticks, big branches maybe even automobiles and small homes that have been blown apart. Stories broken.

I need to turn on my head lamp and start sorting though. The time is now and the only way out is through.

And I’ll take my time because, finally, I’m in no hurry.

What a gift to be left alone with all of our own poison. What a gift to be left alone with all of the garbage we’ve been clutching for so long.

A gift that feels like trauma. A gift that might feel like a punch in the gut, knocking us down to our knees.

While we’re down here lets wipe the tears away for a bit and really look around.

And ask some questions and take inventory

Who left you?

Who hurt you?

How did it happen?

What fell apart?

Can the falling apart be a blessing?

Can the rebuild be stronger, smarter, able to bend with the wind? Can the rebuild be more effective? Closer to the wholeness we were when we were babies?

What have you called in (conscious or not)?

What are you calling in now (as conscious as possible now)?

A life is a messy blessing

A life is filled with deaths and revelations

A body is a soft vessel for an ever fluctuating eternally contradictory magic life force

A body is a force is a border is a connector is a messenger

A body is a messenger and also the message.